The Myth Of Not Aging

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Myths About Aging

Pick up any article about aging and you'll see that 50 is the new 30 and 70 is the new 50.

As Baby Boomers head into, dare I say, old age, they're approaching it like they've attacked everything in their lives: head on and with a determined, "We're gonna change this!"

Have a good attitude!

Do this exercise!

Drink that vegetable juice!

It will keep you young! You won't age!

How many other products and ideas can you name that you "should" be doing? One more face cream, one more lip filler or Botox treatment, one more yoga pose. If you could just do one more something, then maybe you won't die. 

The Baby Boomers' can-do attitude worked in the 1960s, many things did change. And it will even work now, 50 – 60 years later, but only up to a certain point.

 
 

The Card Of Death Is Still In Play

We will still experience aging. We will still die.

Perhaps Baby Boomers will promote changes that allow for better measures to prevent extended suffering. We hope they will add enough voices that aging people will have a better quality-of-life and have more end-of-life choices available to them.

With all of our advances in medicine, we are able today to force human bodies to stay on the planet, whether they should or not, long after our bodies would have naturally let go. Then, there's the added complication of dementia that strips away our ability to have a vote in the matter. 

So, we are left to ask the difficult questions. When is it simply too much?

When are we needlessly suffering? 

When do we say a last good-bye? 

Everyone Will Die

There is not one physical body that has not slipped off the mortal coil of old age and into death. There is not one "attitude" that stopped anyone from dying eventually.

Somehow, when we die earlier, we berate ourselves for not being able to muster up "enough right attitude" to prevent it, when in fact, it was the natural process of the break down of our bodies. Not due to our attitude at all.

I don't think we have to worry about sending old people off to their demise based on the criteria of age alone. However, we have to have some frank discussion about how we will define qualify-of-life.

 
 

We Are Mortal

Atul Gawande explores the many facets of aging and end-of-life decisions in his book, Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End.

This book was recommended to me by the eye specialist treating my mother for wet macular degeneration. In his specialty, the majority of his patients are in their last 10 years of life. His entire staff read the book to better help and understand their patients. 

Although trained as a surgeon, Gawande writes at a level that all of us can understand. He breaks down the aging process of our bodies so that it makes sense. No, we can't stop aging, but we can help. If we have an idea of what's coming, we can take steps to prepare for it.

He's not afraid to ask the question: how are we going to die? How do we die when so many interventions exist that can force us not to? 

Gawande explores this slippery slope that medicine finds itself on. His book is not about giving us an answer, but rather increasing awareness to better be able to make decisions for ourselves and our loved ones. 

Acute Care Versus End-of-Life

I'm a Women's Health Nurse Practitioner and all my healthcare practice is about "fighting the good fight" – doing everything to fix and heal my patients and beating back death at every step.

As my mother experiences an extended end-of-life process, this book helped me to understand the breakdown happening in her body. It helped me to see the parts of aging that I can't fix.

Being Mortal even provided a sort of comfort that I wasn't failing in my mother's care. Gawande describes how the aging process profoundly effects each and every organ. No part of us is spared.

Being Mortal: A Must-Read Book

If you are aging, or if you know anyone who is aging, Being Mortal is a must-read.

And since we're all aging, no matter what we may think, we all need to read this book. 

It's worth more than one read.

 

Fading Flowers And Love

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Flowers From Beginning To End

“When you love life totally, how can you avoid death?

You have to love death also.

When you love a flower deeply, you love its withering away also.

When you love a woman deeply, you love her getting old also, you one day love her death also. That is part of her life, part of woman.

Old age has not happened from the outside, it has come from the inside. The beautiful face has become wrinkled now – you love those wrinkles also, they are part of your woman.

You love a man and his hair has grown white – you love those hairs also. They have not happened from the outside; they are not accidents.

Life is unfolding and now the black hair has disappeared and the gray hair has come. You don’t reject the gray hairs, you love them, they are a part of the man.

Then your man becomes old, becomes weak – you love that too.

Then one day the man or the woman is gone – you love that too. ”
— Osho
 

What better teacher than Nature to capture the essence of birth and death and how love hums at the heart of it all?

Observing nature in my backyard, I decided to photograph the blossoming flowers. I positioned myself to capture their humble beginnings of greenery. Eager buds stretched forth as they pushed their way into the world. Twirling out of a spiral, they opened their petals to become the flower they were meant to be. 

Everyone loves flower buds and blossoms.

As I documented their journey through the lens of my iPhone camera, I began to wonder – why isn’t the entire process considered beautiful?

I came upon this quote by Osho and it captured what I was feeling. He gets to the core of the issue. We can love the entire process from beginning to end. We don't have to be limited only to the parts that our limited minds deem to be pretty.

 Even fading petals have a song to sing, don't they?

See the unfolding of the flowers in these photos:

Here, a flower opens its petals from within a spiral.

 Now the flower opens wide in a blaze of color and a fire burns at its center.

 The petals are shifting past their prime and begin to curl at the edges.

 The flower fades further, petals crumple more.

 The full glory of the flower is gone. One tenacious petal remains attached.

 All the petals are gone. Only the glowing ember of a flower remains.

Love From Beginning To End

As flowers bloom, age and wither, beauty can be seen in all the steps of the process.

Love is at the heart of the journey. A love without judgment of whether they’re at the beginning or the end or how frazzled we look when it’s all over. We tap into natural cycles and the love that connects us all.

In our meditations, we become aware of the conditioning and judgments we place on ourselves regarding what we can or cannot love.

We allowed to love the birth, but not the death. Yet, the dying process is our ultimate journey on Earth. It's not about being in love with death itself, but rather, holding love through the “final” process that awaits all of us.

Save This Article On Pet Loss For A Rainy Day

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A Reference For When Pet Loss Occurs

Mark this post so you can refer to it when needed. This contains the 4-Part Series of articles on pet loss. Save it in your favorites, on a Pinterest board, in Evernote or Dropbox, wherever it is that you save articles.

With all four of them in one post, you have quick and easy access. You won't have to hunt around for them.

Make a "note to self" where it is. You may not need it for another 5 or even 10 years. Hopefully your pets are strong and healthy as you read this. But one day, these articles will come in handy for you. This 4-part series won't tell you "what to do" – but, rather, give you ideas of what is available for you. You'll know, from deep inside, what is right in your situation.

Part 1 – The Sorrow In A Song Of Loss

This article starts at the moment when we know we have to say goodbye, in the initial days of loss. Expressed in short phrases when sorrow is great, because even long prose is too much weight to bear.

Perhaps only some of the phrases resonate for you or speak to you. That's okay. Sometimes just reading the words of loss of others helps us not to feel so alone.

There are also ideas of how to support yourself through loss with use of The Radiance Technique®.

 

Part 2 – Saying Goodbye To Our Pets

This article is the full process of saying goodbye to our pets. The decisions of how we will go forward with it – in-home euthanasia or taking the pet to the vet. Here we support in-home euthanasia and yet, acknowledge and respect different choices. 

An important tip here is the use of a chux during the process. In my experience, no one mentions this, so it will be up to you to advocate for yourself and have a chux ready, whether at home or at the vet.

 

Part 3 – Prepare For The Goodbye To Our Pets

This article looks at the preparation you may want to take for your goodbyes. Discussed is how students of The Radiance Technique® (TRT®) can support themselves and their pets with TRT® hands-on as well as directing of energy.

It also prepares you for how fast it is and supports you in the grieving process. It talks about deep grief, great love and the path we walk during this time.

 

Part 4 – Give Other Pets Time To Say Goodbye

What a blessing we give our other four-legged members of the family when we give them time to grieve and acknowledge that their furry comrade-in-arms has fallen. This is as important for the human members of the family as it is for the furry ones. 

Through many of the articles, we talk about Lap of Love – A Veterinary Hospice & In-Home Euthanasia as an in-home euthanasia service. They are a wonderful resource for information to help you and your pet through the end-of-life process. If they are not available in your area, check your local listings. Many other veterinarians offer similar, at-home services.

 

Create An End-of-Life Pet Fund

An important take-away from this series is the idea of setting aside an "end-of-life pet fund." Over these many years of happiness with your pets, it is worthwhile to set aside money in a special fund that won't be touched until the day comes. A little nest egg of even $300–500 will be a welcome relief when the time of loss arrives.

You will then be able to make decisions based on what your heart tells you, not just on what your wallet says. It gives you freedom of choice.

Prepare For Pet Loss

No one wants to think about this, that a time of goodbye looms ahead for all of us. Yet, I firmly believe "forearmed is forewarned" and knowing our choices ahead of time benefits everyone. 

Tuck this away, somewhere where you can find it again.

And, in the meantime, carry on – enjoy, play, and create all the love you are able to muster with your beloved pet. 

 

Papa, Can You Hear Me?

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Papa, Can You Hear Me?

 
“O God, Our Heavenly Father,
O God, and my father Who is also in heaven.
May the light of this flickering candle illuminate the night the way Your Spirit illuminates my soul...”
— Yentl
 

There is nothing quite like the liquid voice of Barbra Streisand to touch emotions and our hearts. Here in the movie Yentl, she sings to her God in the heavens and to her own father who recently died and who is also in heaven.

A Father And A Daughter

For a daughter whose papa has passed on, this song is perfumed with the father-daughter love they shared and her longing to still be connected with him. If only he could hear her and offer his advice.

Yentl prays in the forest with nature surrounding her, and reaches out to the stars twinkling above her. A good reminder for us to turn to nature in our difficult moments.

Be still and listen to the heavens.

 
“Papa, how I love you,
Papa, how I need you,
Papa, how I miss you kissing me good night...”
 

The Radiance Technique® Supports Your Grief

All of our emotions, not just the happy ones, are part of the kaleidoscope colors of our lives – exploding colors that are always changing as they vary in shape and hue.

With The Radiance Technique® (TRT®), we are full participants in the colorful dance. With our use of TRT® hands-on, we are able to bring increased light to both the joys and the sorrows of our lives.

Even when life remains broken around us, we can support ourselves as we walk through the jagged parts.

Apply TRT® hands-on whenever you find yourself in times of grief or loss.

Does it make the loss go away? No.

Rather, you have a tool that helps you with love and healing. Deep from within, you bring the vibration of comfort and wholeness to yourself and to the situation.

Tears will flow and your tears can be filled with shimmering, healing light.

 

 

When There Is Only Love

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When Nothing Is Left

It seems like nothing is left when those you love are gone.

After a death of a loved one, you're particularly clumsy and awkward as if you've acquired a unique ability to trip over any and everything.

When my father died, I would often hear a mantra echoing in my mind, telling me to "just hold on..." as I stumbled through my life. But I didn't know what I was supposed to be holding on to.

And Then I Remembered

There really is nothing to hold on to.

In the end, there is only Love.

And even that, you don't hold on to it. You just "be."

 

iconic image by Robert Indiana, 1960s

 

A Day To Be Dying

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What A Day

Today is the day our loved one is dying? “No. Not today. No to death.”

At the cellular level of our bodies, of all organic matter, we are programmed to survive. Programmed to fight death with all we’ve got.

However.

A Final Performance Awaits

Each one of us has been issued a ticket to a last performance.

The very moment we are born, a death sentence is also handed out. It's as if a personal engraved invitation to the event is created, but we can't find the date and time on it.

No matter.

The date and time will find us.

Steve Jobs offered this quote:

 
“If you live each day as if it were your last,
someday you’ll most certainly be right.”
 

Facing Death At The Hospital

It's one thing to say these words and quite another to live them.

The hospital called when my father was admitted. I figured it was just another "tune-up" admission. He'll be admitted for a few days and then sent back home.

This time, however, the doctor insisted I should come. I asked if my father were dying. She skirted around those words and would only say that it was serious. "You should come."

I hastily booked a plane ticket.

Get Back, Death

As much as I tried to defy and force back the hovering clouds of Death waiting to lift our dad away from us, I had no personal power to alter the upcoming event.

My father's heart and kidneys were failing. He was, without question, in a dying process; no other options remained.

My failed attempts to battle and then to bargain with Death brought home the realization of just how small I really was.

Holding A Vigil

With my father in his hospital bed, the family came to visit. We talked.

We recounted stories about the "good old days" and our many adventures together. He was completely past-oriented. When I mentioned something I was going to do in the future, he scarcely heard me. He would pause with a far off look in his eye and immediately return to past events.

Although he didn't eat much, we ordered a few special food requests.

We were blessed to have him for one more week; many people were able to say goodbye.

In the time we still had, it was a good day.

Only Love Remains

My father remained entirely lucid to his last moments. He knew he was dying and accepted this fact with unbelievable equanimity. His calm ability to face the upcoming event took my breath away. His steadiness inspired awe in all who came to see him.

Fully aware his death was coming, he simply asked to not be “hurried along,” then he would add that he didn't want to be a burden either. I did everything in my power to honor his request to not rush the process.

In those last days, with heart-aching wonder, my dad spoke of love like he never had before; how important it is and how essential to tell others that you love them. He worried he had not said it enough.

"Don't worry," we told him, "we knew."

We always knew.

No Matter The Day

Each day I drove to the hospital to see him, I wondered if that very day would be *the* day of his last breath. I constantly reminded myself that this was a part of life even though it gave me little comfort.

Thus, it will be for all of us. I wonder if I'll manage to be even half as brave as my father when that final, dying moment comes.

But, no matter. When that moment comes, it will be my day. When that moment comes for you, it will be your day. All our days will be held in one final breath. 

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My dad's favorite dog, German Shorthaired Pointer
The Dying Lion of Lucerne, Switzerland