Papa, Can You Hear Me?

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Papa, Can You Hear Me?

 
“O God, Our Heavenly Father,
O God, and my father Who is also in heaven.
May the light of this flickering candle illuminate the night the way Your Spirit illuminates my soul...”
— Yentl
 

There is nothing quite like the liquid voice of Barbra Streisand to touch emotions and our hearts. Here in the movie Yentl, she sings to her God in the heavens and to her own father who recently died and who is also in heaven.

A Father And A Daughter

For a daughter whose papa has passed on, this song is perfumed with the father-daughter love they shared and her longing to still be connected with him. If only he could hear her and offer his advice.

Yentl prays in the forest with nature surrounding her, and reaches out to the stars twinkling above her. Isn’t it interesting how we so often turn to the stars in these moments? Pinpricks of twinkling light that are millions of light years away and yet they bring us comfort as if something deep inside, the cells of our bodies resonate with the same elements that make up those distant stars.

 
“Papa, how I love you,
Papa, how I need you,
Papa, how I miss you kissing me good night...”
 

Grief In Our Lives

All of our emotions, not just the happy ones, are part of the kaleidoscope colors of our lives – expanding colors that constantly change as they vary in shape and hue. Even when life lies broken around us, we walk through the jagged parts and continue the dance of life.

Does the loss go away? Not really. We live with it, we are shaped by it. The grief becomes a part of our life’s dance in a certain way we hold our head, gesture with a hand, or in the way we cross a room.

We are changed. The traces of our love and loss are etched on us and are their own pinpricks of light shining within.

 

San Francisco Cable Car Ride

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A Cable Car Ride In The City

If you're going to San Francisco... not only do you have to wear some flowers in your hair, but you also have to take a cable car ride.

When I attended the Contraceptive Technology medical conference in San Francisco, I stayed at the Huntington Hotel which is perched on top of California Street, just across from Grace Cathedral.

The California Street cable car runs right in front of the hotel.

To My Conference via The Cable Car

On the first morning of the conference I bounded out the door of my hotel, late as usual, and spied the cable car paused on its tracks.  A gesture from the cable car gripman indicated it was okay to come aboard, so I hopped on to profit from a ride, instead of a long walk, to my conference that was being held in the Hyatt Regency Embarcadero.

Of course, this was after a quick check for traffic since you must take care to not be mowed down by a car or truck as you run into the street to climb aboard.

The Rhythms Of A Cable Car

Once on board, I was immediately overtaken by the familiar sounds and sensations of the cable car. The constant humming of the cable running below the tracks was almost a palpable vibration. Like a musical instrument, the grip handle ratcheted back and then released as if playing a rhythmic song.

The gripman applied the brakes and expertly clung to the cable that pulled us along. Sitting on the outer part of the car, l happily inhaled the fresh Pacific Ocean air, rich and full of life. Our departure from a stop was signaled by a tap-tap of the cable car bell, like a sweet cherry placed on top of this feast for the senses.

I couldn't get enough. I gulped in the sounds of whirring cables that pulled us up and down the great hill of California Street. In a video created with only my iPhone 5, I captured this noisy symphony.


Cable cars are not just for the tourists. To quote one travel writer, Kathryn Vercillo: 

“This is a form of transportation, not a ride, and you should treat it with that respect and safety in mind.”
 

This working activity of the cable cars gives them a real substance, a depth to their purpose.

Everyday office workers utilize the cable cars for their commute and to attend business meetings. Native San Franciscans can be seen catching a cable car for shopping or running errands. With a Muni pass, it's easy to hop on and off.

Take a look how this gripman, Val Luiz, describes working on the California cable car line in his blog "Tales from the Grip." May 2005, "California Here I Come".

California street evening view from the cable car

Good Night, San Francisco

Many secrets and sparkling gems are tucked among the hills of our beloved City by the Bay. 

The San Francisco cable cars are just one of many reasons to fall in love with The City.

sutro tower at sunset from hotel

 

Nurturing, Caring and Mother's Day

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Mother's Day – Not Just A Greeting Card

Mother's Day is upon us in all its glory.

Fêted with flowers, cards, and chocolate, this day has become one of the biggest consumer spending days of the year, because naturally, everyone has a mother.

Mother's Day is set aside to acknowledge and honor all our mothers.

Origin Of Mother's Day

As far back as 1870, Julia Ward Howe spearheaded a movement in the United States to have a mother's day celebrating not only motherhood, but peace. She had seen too much of the carnage of the Civil War and she understood deeply that no mother wished for a son to die on a battlefield.

Howe called upon women to come together to make a stand for peace. Her writing showed an expansive, global viewpoint that embraced all of humanity. She was a planetary peacemaker before her time.

Here's an excerpt from her call to all mothers:

 
“In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality
May be appointed and held at some place deemed most convenient
And at the earliest period consistent with its objects
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions.
The great and general interests of peace.”
— Julia Ward Howe
 

Official Holiday In 1914

Mother's Day did not become an official holiday in the United States until 1914 when President Woodrow Wilson signed it into national observance. He declared the second Sunday in May as Mother's Day. President Wilson proclaimed:

“Let flags be flown on the second Sunday in May as a public expression of our love and reverence for the mothers of our country.”
— President Woodrow Wilson
 

Anna Jarvis

Anna M. Jarvis

This day focused more on the individual mother.

The founding of the holiday is often credited to Anna M. Jarvis when she held a memorial ceremony in 1908 to honor her mother, and all mothers, at Andrews Methodist Episcopal Church.

The church is in Grafton, West Virginia and is recognized as the International Mother's Day Shrine. Designated as a national landmark since 1992, it marks the first official observance of Mother's Day.

“I hope and pray that someone, sometime will found a memorial mothers day commemorating her for the matchless service she renders to humanity in every field of life. She is entitled to it.”
— Anna Jarvis
 

Andrews Methodist Episcopal Church

Defining Mother's Day Today

Many of us have become much broader in our thinking about this holiday. We honor our mothers and yet, it doesn't have to be limited to only a physical mother.

On this day, we take a moment to honor the deeper meaning of mothering that consists of the energies of nurturing and caring.

When these energies take center stage, we recognize that nurturing can exist in many forms, such as caring for animals and plants, and even our planet that we affectionately call Mother Earth.

Caring and nurturing can also mean taking care of a creative project. Our mothering doesn't have to be limited to only our immediate family members. Our caring can reach out into our greater communities on local, national and even global levels.

In this rough and tumble world, it seems only the "tough" are rewarded. Mother's Day gives us a chance to honor a softer, loving energy and acknowledge the healing aspect of caring.

 

Your First Nursing Job

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Remember that first nursing job? I know I do even though 1992 was many years ago.

From Nursing Student To Real Nurse

Nursing care plans that I labored over for eight hours in school were behind me. Those care plans would now be put into action as soon as a patient was admitted.

Nursing boards, studied for and passed, were in my rear-view mirror.

It was time for my first nursing job – that moment when school work and clinical rotations stand at your back (you're counting on them to hold you up) and you launch into the unknown.

Time to be a "real" nurse.

Grateful to no longer be a nursing student, I was nonetheless anxious about becoming a nurse on-the-unit with my own patient load and patient care responsibilities.

 
 

First Nursing Job

My first real nursing job was at Johns Hopkins Hospital working in Pediatrics. That being said, this was no ordinary pediatrics unit with the ubiquitous tonsillectomy. In fact, we did not provide care for tonsillectomy patients here.

In this large medical-surgical pediatric unit that included an eight-bed step-down unit, one example of surgery was bladder extrophy repairs that placed bladders back inside the body and required six weeks of recovery on the unit.

What a privilege to work at Johns Hopkins Children's Center. Such an educational opportunity to work on this pediatric unit that cared for ages two to twelve.

Multi-discipline services were available to care for these small patients. We had specialists in areas such as Infectious Disease and Pain Management.

The pediatric phlebotomists were a god-send with their expertise to flawlessly start IV lines and get blood samples from tiny veins.

 
 

Working With Experts

We also had patients who came in for hemispherectomies that were performed by the famous, ground-breaking neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson.

You can read about his life in his book: Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story. Get ready to be uplifted and inspired. 

The nursing staff was always a little awestruck when he arrived on the unit with his team of residents swirling around him.

As a neophyte, I remember initially thinking how barbaric it seemed to remove half the brain of a child.

But then, I saw a child lying in a bed having intractable seizures with no interactive life. This was their life, seizures, nothing more. After recovering from the surgery, children often returned to the unit to see us – walking, talking and smiling – they were living life with gusto.

That's when I realized I was no longer in Kansas. It was my first introduction to the plasticity of the young brain.

 

The Hopkins Family

I loved being part of the Hopkins family. As a proud graduate from the School of Nursing at Johns Hopkins University, my work at Johns Hopkins Hospital deepened my sense of being part of the Hopkins healthcare team.

A Love For Labor And Delivery

Yet, in spite of all the joy of working at Hopkins, I couldn't stay. My heart called to me to work in Labor and Delivery, so off I headed into the world of birthing babies.

The medical-surgical experience I gained from my time at Hopkins was invaluable and prepared me for the world of Labor and Delivery (L&D). In L&D, the nursing rhythm moves from zero to 60-miles-an-hour in a moment's notice.

Working on the pediatric unit at Johns Hopkins Hospital laid a deep groundwork of experience so I could make that jump into the hyper-space speed of L&D.

What was your first nursing job?

Do I Dare Disturb The Universe?

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All Our Comings And Goings

They say we're tripping the light fantastic, but maybe it's more akin to stumbling.

Our arrival on this planet is often marked with a bounce-landing.

Our Bodies Betray Us

With no lack of dysfunctional body parts, broken emotions, or minds lost along the way, we try our best to manage a slew of struggles. Betrayal awaits our bodies at every turn.

 

To add insult to injury, the flesh of this world mocks us. Hovering over us at all times is the ultimate trump card marked Death. Given that our bodies hold the upper hand, you'd think they could be a bit more gracious.

Those who are strong today can just as easily be shattered tomorrow.

No one, nothing, escapes impermanence.

This Tarot Soprafino Death Card was created by Johann Elias Ridinger and engraved by Johann Jacob Ridinger about 1760.

Impermanence Is Raw

The word "impermanence" has a soft connotation to it. What's here today will not be here tomorrow.

"Oh, impermanence," intoned a bored lady in the room where the women come and go talking of Michelangelo (hat tip to The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, by T.S. Eliot).

"Yes, I am quite familiar with it," she said with a dismissive wave of her hand, as if impermanence were only a damp wisp of fog easily brushed away.

All Things Shall Pass

It's a cerebral topic of discussion in Buddhist philosophy. Like the sand mandala in the photo, Buddhism teaches us that all things will pass.

We get the impression that events are calm, even well-prepared, and then disappear.

In reality, impermanence is raw and visceral. It crashes down around us.

Impermanence screams in fear, whimpers in a corner, and rips our hearts out.

The serenity of a Buddha statue belies the stark reality of beginnings and endings that are violent and painful.

Perhaps You Think We Exaggerate

The National Geographic movie documentary, "Journey to the Edge of the Universe,"  catapults us into a wild and wooly cosmos.

When the ending credits roll, our eyes are wide with amazement and, if we're honest, a bit of fright. We're left with nothing to hang on to as we careen across inter-galactic space.

Nuclear Fusion And Black Holes

Nuclear fusion reactions are common and explode across space. Galactic energies collide and then coalesce. Deadly quasars of breath-taking beauty blast out jets of radiation from their cores.

Entire galaxies are destroyed. Vast universes are reborn. 

The hypernova reigns supreme in lawlessness and destruction as the most violent star-death of all. Its core becomes a black hole that destroys and consumes everything, even light, that enters it.

All rules of physics collapse within the vortex of a black hole.

What exists when there is no matter, no time, no space?

Are we destined to become emptiness and nothingness?

At The Edge Of The Universe

Where do we go from here?

When we reach the edge of our known universe – what or where, is our consciousness?

In humans, hope springs eternal. We stubbornly cling to a shard of light. We clutch our chests even as the universe flings us into the far reaches of the cosmos.

In stillness and meditation, we sit, willing our hearts to beat even within the dark matter of the galaxy.

Do I Dare Disturb The Universe?

Meanwhile, back on Earth. 

A great roar of noise is taking place all around us.

Do we hear it?

  • A bullet sears through flesh.

  • Bones are splintered in a car crash.

  • Trapped in a sudden cardiac arrest, a heart slams to a halt.

Every last dying breath of all-that-is calls out to – what?

 

But, do we hear it?

T.S. Eliot continues in The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock:

“When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through half-deserted streets...”
 

We move through our lives as if we, too, were etherized. We're aware of only a fraction of existence. We're smothered under multiple layers of veils. This numbed state keeps us blind and deaf.

It's Time To Lift The Veils

It's time to see again. Time to hear the many vibrations swirling around us.

We'll lift the veils, slowly and surely, with our meditation.

Eliot poses the question: Do I dare disturb the universe?

In one word... Yes.

The Unseen Hand Of God

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Clunking While Geese Are Soaring

A cold evening spilled out across the darkening land as I dutifully dragged myself along in my requisite exercise-jog.

I was distracted from my discomfort when I spied a flock of Canadian geese in an open field. Finished with their eventide grazing, they lifted en masse into a pale wintery sky.

Strong wings beat up and down as they rose higher and higher. The strokes of their wings were audible as their feathers pushed against the cold night air. They gathered together across the icy blue expanse and eventually became a single line.

One goose dropped lower, slowed down a bit and then, rose back up into the line to take its place behind another.

Who would know why?

Held By The Unseen Hand Of God

My heart ached as I watched their flight. Joy and pain tumbled within me.

It looked like so much work to flap those wings over and over to keep them skimming across the wide expanse of atmosphere. Nothing else holding them up except, perhaps, the unseen hand of God.

From my awkward and earthbound state, I was reminded how brutish and dull I am in comparison to their lightness of being.

Watching their skyward journey, I held them in my heart as they traveled their sky-path.

An Overgrown, Wild Place

The honking call from their white-slashed throats resonated to an overgrown, wild place tucked inside my heart.

Like my fellow humans across the centuries, I found myself wishing that I could fly, free of metal or mechanics.

With all our technology, there is nothing we do that comes close to their level of mastery, grace, and elevated simplicity.

 

New Year Resolutions

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It's That Time Of Year For New Year Resolutions

The New Year is upon us and with it comes new resolutions.

Are you someone who makes resolutions for the New Year?

Do you make one, two or lots of them?

Three New Year Resolutions

This year I've decided to make three New Year Resolutions. 

I have a rule in my life, if any list surpasses three items, I write them down. After more than three, it's impossible to keep track of them.

Therefore, to avoid a written list, I'll limit myself to three resolutions.

Because, let's face it – If I write a list, it will only be a short matter of time that I won't be able to find it.

And then, honestly, after another bit of time, I won't want to find it.

With only three resolutions, it should be easy to remember them throughout the entire year.

Categories For Resolutions: Heart, Body, And Fun

  1. Heart – Always begin with the Heart, it's a great place to start. What activity warms your heart?
     

  2. Body – Get in touch with a positive health habit that you'd like to emphasize during the new year. It can be big or little. Add more fruit to your diet? A little more exercise?
     

  3. Fun – For the playful part of you, something that appeals to your whimsical side that will keep your spirits light throughout the year. How about taking time to read a book? See a movie series?

With or without resolutions, wishing you a Happy New Year!