The Myth Of Not Aging

Myths About Aging

Pick up any article about aging and you'll see that 50 is the new 30 and 70 is the new 50.

As Baby Boomers head into, dare I say, old age, they're approaching it like they've attacked everything in their lives: head on and with a determined, "We're gonna change this!"

Have a good attitude!

Do this exercise!

Drink that vegetable juice!

It will keep you young! You won't age!

How many other products and ideas can you name that you "should" be doing? One more face cream, one more lip filler or Botox treatment, one more yoga pose. If you could just do one more something, then maybe you won't die. 

The Baby Boomers' can-do attitude worked in the 1960s, many things did change. And it will even work now, 50 – 60 years later, but only up to a certain point.

 
 

The Card Of Death Is Still In Play

We will still experience aging. We will still die.

Perhaps Baby Boomers will promote changes that allow for better measures to prevent extended suffering. We hope they will add enough voices that aging people will have a better quality-of-life and have more end-of-life choices available to them.

With all of our advances in medicine, we are able today to force human bodies to stay on the planet, whether they should or not, long after our bodies would have naturally let go. Then, there's the added complication of dementia that strips away our ability to have a vote in the matter. 

So, we are left to ask the difficult questions. When is it simply too much?

When are we needlessly suffering? 

When do we say a last good-bye? 

Everyone Will Die

There is not one physical body that has not slipped off the mortal coil of old age and into death. There is not one "attitude" that stopped anyone from dying eventually.

Somehow, when we die earlier, we berate ourselves for not being able to muster up "enough right attitude" to prevent it, when in fact, it was the natural process of the break down of our bodies. Not due to our attitude at all.

I don't think we have to worry about sending old people off to their demise based on the criteria of age alone. However, we have to have some frank discussion about how we will define qualify-of-life.

 
 

We Are Mortal

Atul Gawande explores the many facets of aging and end-of-life decisions in his book, Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End.

This book was recommended to me by the eye specialist treating my mother for wet macular degeneration. In his specialty, the majority of his patients are in their last 10 years of life. His entire staff read the book to better help and understand their patients. 

Although trained as a surgeon, Gawande writes at a level that all of us can understand. He breaks down the aging process of our bodies so that it makes sense. No, we can't stop aging, but we can help. If we have an idea of what's coming, we can take steps to prepare for it.

He's not afraid to ask the question: how are we going to die? How do we die when so many interventions exist that can force us not to? 

Gawande explores this slippery slope that medicine finds itself on. His book is not about giving us an answer, but rather increasing awareness to better be able to make decisions for ourselves and our loved ones. 

Acute Care Versus End-of-Life

I'm a Women's Health Nurse Practitioner and all my healthcare practice is about "fighting the good fight" – doing everything to fix and heal my patients and beating back death at every step.

As my mother experiences an extended end-of-life process, this book helped me to understand the breakdown happening in her body. It helped me to see the parts of aging that I can't fix.

Being Mortal even provided a sort of comfort that I wasn't failing in my mother's care. Gawande describes how the aging process profoundly effects each and every organ. No part of us is spared.

Being Mortal: A Must-Read Book

If you are aging, or if you know anyone who is aging, Being Mortal is a must-read.

And since we're all aging, no matter what we may think, we all need to read this book. 

It's worth more than one read.

 

A Day To Be Dying

What A Day

Today is the day our loved one is dying? “No. Not today. No to death.”

At the cellular level of our bodies, of all organic matter, we are programmed to survive. Programmed to fight death with all we’ve got.

However.

A Final Performance Awaits

Each one of us has been issued a ticket to a last performance.

The very moment we are born, a death sentence is also handed out. It's as if a personal engraved invitation to the event is created, but we can't find the date and time on it.

No matter.

The date and time will find us.

Steve Jobs offered this quote:

 
If you live each day as if it were your last,
someday you’ll most certainly be right.
 

Facing Death At The Hospital

It's one thing to say these words and quite another to live them.

The hospital called when my father was admitted. I figured it was just another "tune-up" admission. He'll be admitted for a few days and then sent back home.

This time, however, the doctor insisted I should come. I asked if my father were dying. She skirted around those words and would only say that it was serious. "You should come."

I hastily booked a plane ticket.

Get Back, Death

As much as I tried to defy and force back the hovering clouds of Death waiting to lift our dad away from us, I had no personal power to alter the upcoming event.

My father's heart and kidneys were failing. He was, without question, in a dying process; no other options remained.

My failed attempts to battle and then to bargain with Death brought home the realization of just how small I really was.

Holding A Vigil

With my father in his hospital bed, the family came to visit. We talked.

We recounted stories about the "good old days" and our many adventures together. He was completely past-oriented. When I mentioned something I was going to do in the future, he scarcely heard me. He would pause with a far off look in his eye and immediately return to past events.

Although he didn't eat much, we ordered a few special food requests.

We were blessed to have him for one more week; many people were able to say goodbye.

In the time we still had, it was a good day.

Only Love Remains

My father remained entirely lucid to his last moments. He knew he was dying and accepted this fact with unbelievable equanimity. His calm ability to face the upcoming event took my breath away. His steadiness inspired awe in all who came to see him.

Fully aware his death was coming, he simply asked to not be “hurried along,” then he would add that he didn't want to be a burden either. I did everything in my power to honor his request to not rush the process.

In those last days, with heart-aching wonder, my dad spoke of love like he never had before; how important it is and how essential to tell others that you love them. He worried he had not said it enough.

"Don't worry," we told him, "we knew."

We always knew.

No Matter The Day

Each day I drove to the hospital to see him, I wondered if that very day would be *the* day of his last breath. I constantly reminded myself that this was a part of life even though it gave me little comfort.

Thus, it will be for all of us. I wonder if I'll manage to be even half as brave as my father when that final, dying moment comes.

But, no matter. When that moment comes, it will be my day. When that moment comes for you, it will be your day. All our days will be held in one final breath. 

* * * * *
My dad's favorite dog, German Shorthaired Pointer
The Dying Lion of Lucerne, Switzerland